Stanley

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.” ? Flavia.

Stanley, a 64-year-old man with autism and developmental disabilities, is one of those special people who has made a lasting impact on many lives, including May Institute staff members who have worked with him through the years.

Even so, Michelle Mendes, who is currently the Assistant Residential Director at a May residence in Yarmouth Port, Mass., had her doubts about Stanley when she met him 30 years ago!

“Stanley was on vacation when I started (my job on the Cape) at the May,” she remembers. “When he got back, he was screaming bloody murder because he didn’t want his vacation to be over. He scared the heck out of me. But after about two weeks, he became a favorite.

“Oh, Stanley had his moments,” she continues. “He was an instigator! At that time, there were seven individuals who lived in his house. He would like to tease people. Such a chain reaction – if one started, it trickled down from there. Then we moved to a duplex in Yarmouth. There was never a dull moment with Stanley! It was always an adventure.”

Kelly Grace, who met Stanley 20 years ago when she began caring for the individuals who lived in the Yarmouth residence, agrees. “He would give you a run for your money! He would periodically try to elope or run away. He was a handful,” she recalls. “Yes, he was.”

Back then, Stanley used to draw on the walls of his bedroom. Michelle remembers one time when she returned from her vacation to discover that he had drawn in black marker on all four walls in his room.

During their early years with Stanley, Michelle and Kelly helped him learn how to express himself artistically (without drawing on the walls) by doing arts and crafts and helping with holiday decorating. They also supported him as he worked on some of his behavioral challenges such as anxiety and emotional dysregulation. The two women became very fond of Stanley.

“It was tough when he moved off the Cape,” Kelly says. “We had developed a very good relationship. We used to talk all the time. And that smile! He just has that smile. You can be having the worst day, and then he smiles and says, ‘You bootiful.’ And I say, ‘Thanks, Stanley, I needed that.’”

“If you ever met Stanley, you would understand,” adds Michelle. “He is very, very special. He is one of a kind!”

After they all went their separate ways, Kelly continued to work on the Cape, eventually becoming the Program Coordinator at a May residence in Yarmouth Port. Michelle held various positions and is now the Assistant Residential Director on the Cape. Stanley lived in a May residence in Attleboro for many years, but he always dreamed of returning to the Cape.

Cape Cod has played a large role in Stanley’s life. When he was growing up, his family enjoyed vacationing in Chatham, and he later attended school there. He loves the ocean and has always enjoyed swimming. Two of his best friends – Kurt and Zeta live on the Cape, as does his sister Bonnie.

He would often tell his family, friends, roommates, May staff members, and everyone he met that he wanted to spend his golden years on Cape Cod. “Retiring on the Cape was a long-time goal for Stan,” confirms Bonnie, who describes her brother as strong, patient, and very persistent.

“Right after he moved, he started talking about retiring to the Cape,” Michelle agrees. “His mother used to tell him that he could retire when he turned 60.”

Unfortunately, when Stanley turned 60, the pandemic was just getting started and his “retirement” had to wait. But his patience and persistence paid off and he was finally able to return to his beloved Cape Cod.

Part 2: Reunited and it feels so good!

When Stanley visited the May Institute group home in Yarmouth Port that would become the “retirement home” he had dreamed about for so many years, one of the first people he saw was Kelly Grace.

“We hadn’t seen each other in years,” says Kelly, “but he just looked at me, gave me that crooked smile, and said, ‘Hi Kelly Grace’! I was so excited to see him and see how things had changed for him.

“He has come a long way and made a lot of good changes. For example, he hasn’t tried to wander away from this house. He’s still a sweetheart, he’s still my Stanley, and he will try to get away with anything he can!”

When Michelle Mendes learned that Stanley would be returning to the Cape and living in the residence where she is the Assistant Director, she was delighted too. “It was wonderful to see him get what he wanted. He wanted to retire to the Cape, and he got it!”

Stanley was just as excited to reconnect with Michelle and Kelly and move into his new room that has a beautiful mural of Cape Cod on one wall. Knowing how Stanley used to like to “decorate” his old room by drawing and pasting things on the walls, Michelle told him that if he put one thing on the mural, she would paint the whole wall over. So far, the mural remains untouched.

“He used to draw on walls,” Kelly says. “Now he draws pictures on a special picture frame. It’s nice to see how he’s settled down. His behaviors aren’t as high as they were. He has developed skills and learned how to decompress when he needs to.”

All those skills and tools Stanley has developed over the years have made him an even happier man, living a full and delightful life.

“Stanley has settled in nicely in his home,” says Michelle. “He does his chores. He does his laundry and cleans his room. He helps clean up after dinner. He goes for walks out in the community. He loves going out to the store to replenish his arts and crafts supply. He loves going out to eat with his sister Bonnie and visiting her on weekends. There’s nothing boring or uninteresting about Stanley. I’m just glad he’s back and I can be in his life again.”

“Stanley is such a character,” Kelly says. “I didn’t know how much I missed him until he came back. I was here with him at the beginning and now I’m here with him later in his life.

Sometimes we’re the students and not the teachers. Stanley has taught me to enjoy the things we have in our lives because we just don’t know how long we have.”

Part 3 Sometimes we're the students and not the teachers.

When Stanley visited the May Institute group home in Yarmouth Port that would become the “retirement home” he had dreamed about for so many years, one of the first people he saw was Kelly Grace.

“We hadn’t seen each other in years,” says Kelly, “but he just looked at me, gave me that crooked smile, and said, ‘Hi Kelly Grace’! I was so excited to see him and see how things had changed for him.

“He has come a long way and made a lot of good changes. For example, he hasn’t tried to wander away from this house. He’s still a sweetheart, he’s still my Stanley, and he will try to get away with anything he can!”

When Michelle Mendes learned that Stanley would be returning to the Cape and living in the residence where she is the Assistant Director, she was delighted too. “It was wonderful to see him get what he wanted. He wanted to retire to the Cape, and he got it!”

See video of Kelly Grace welcoming Stanley to his new home.

Stanley was just as excited to reconnect with Michelle and Kelly and move into his new room that has a beautiful mural of Cape Cod on one wall. Knowing how Stanley used to like to “decorate” his old room by drawing and pasting things on the walls, Michelle told him that if he put one thing on the mural, she would paint the whole wall over. So far, the mural remains untouched.

“He used to draw on walls,” Kelly says. “Now he draws pictures on a special picture frame. It’s nice to see how he’s settled down. His behaviors aren’t as high as they were. He has developed skills and learned how to decompress when he needs to.”

All those skills and tools Stanley has developed over the years have made him an even happier man, living a full and delightful life.

“Stanley has settled in nicely in his home,” says Michelle. “He does his chores. He does his laundry and cleans his room. He helps clean up after dinner. He goes for walks out in the community. He loves going out to the store to replenish his arts and crafts supply. He loves going out to eat with his sister Bonnie and visiting her on weekends. There’s nothing boring or uninteresting about Stanley. I’m just glad he’s back and I can be in his life again.”

“Stanley is such a character,” Kelly says. “I didn’t know how much I missed him until he came back. I was here with him at the beginning and now I’m here with him later in his life.

Sometimes we’re the students and not the teachers. Stanley has taught me to enjoy the things we have in our lives because we just don’t know how long we have.”

You can see all of his photos here.

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