Helping Autistic Children and Adolescents Establish Friendships

By Jenna Garvey, M.Ed., LABA, BCBA
 
[This column was published in the West Springfield Republican on January 25, 2024.}

Social connection is important for everyone, but sometimes, making and maintaining friendships can be a challenge. This can be even more daunting for individuals on the autism spectrum, because a defining characteristic of the disorder is difficulty interpreting social cues.

How can we best help autistic children and adolescents establish friendships? One way is to view friendship-making as a set of skills that can be identified and practiced, and then helping the learner achieve some proficiency and comfort when socializing with others. This will make the process a little less intimidating.

For example, we can teach a child to identify who to approach as a potential friend. Is there someone in the child’s social sphere of a similar age and ability level who seems open to talking with others? Someone who welcomes social interactions may smile at a conversation partner, invite others to join in activities, and reciprocate social interaction. A person who is less welcoming may turn away, respond more abruptly, or even be unkind.

You may break things down even further. What does it mean to be kind or unkind? (Does the person help you when you need support? Do they make you feel good or bad?) A potential friend will also have some similar interests which can be a starting point for conversation. 

Once you have identified a potential peer and some common ground, what can a child say to start a conversation? Good conversation starters will be opened-ended, friendly, and will strike a balance between relevant but not too personal (“Have you seen the new Disney movie?” versus “Are your parents married or divorced?”). An opener might include an invitation to play. Here, the trick might be to suggest an activity that is presently available and of interest to both individuals, rather than jumping straight to “Would you like to sleep at my house this weekend?”

There are additional skills you can practice ahead of time with the child, such as how to keep a conversation going and how to end it appropriately. 

There are many skills that can be taught around making and maintaining friendships. A child’s teacher, Speech Language Pathologist, or other members of the educational team (perhaps including a Board Certified Behavior Analyst, or BCBA) can help determine the best starting points or support strategies. Then, identify a small and supportive group to help the child practice these skills in the school environment. This can go a long way towards increasing their comfort level. There might also be social skills groups in your area that can provide a welcoming place for supported practice. If a child needs a bit less intensive support, you might consider sports or after-school clubs (although these can be a bit overwhelming as a first step for some children). 

One last consideration. Making friends can be stressful, and we should remind learners that not every attempt to make conversation will feel successful. Not everyone we become friends with will remain a friend forever. And that’s OK! Every attempt is a learning opportunity, and even people who make friends easily have some missteps or changes to friendships along the way. Staying positive will make the next attempt go more smoothly.

Jenna Garvey, M.Ed., LABA, BCBA, is Clinical Director at the May Center School for Autism and Developmental Disabilities in Chicopee. She can be contacted at jgarvey@mayinstitute.org.

About May Institute
May Institute is a nonprofit organization that is a national leader in the field of applied behavior analysis and evidence-based interventions, serving autistic individuals and individuals with other developmental disabilities, brain injury, neurobehavioral disorders, and other special needs. Founded nearly 70 years ago, we provide a wide range of exceptional educational and rehabilitative services across the lifespan. May Institute operates five schools for children and adolescents with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and other developmental disabilities, including one in Chicopee, Mass. For more information, call 800.778.7601 or visit www.mayinstitute.org.