Mindfulness and Reflection Can Ease the Impact of Stress Experienced by Caregivers of Autistic Individuals

By Sarah Weddle, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist 

As a caregiver, you likely spend much time tending to the needs of others who depend on you. Sometimes it may feel as though you are spinning from one thing to the next – especially if you have a child, job, partner, and commitments that require most of your time. This can certainly be true for parents and caregivers of autistic individuals. There are times when you may be filled with worries about the future, uncertain about your abilities, and feel both emotional and physical exhaustion.

During these times, it is important to know you are not alone. Humans are programmed to respond to the stresses of life in ways that are not always useful nor helpful. Our reactions may manifest as feelings of anxiety, tension, and sadness. While these feelings are normal, they may get in the way and occupy your mind more than you would like. You may feel as though you are falling short, feeling flat. How can you untangle from all these overwhelming feelings?

When was the last time you stopped to reflect on what was important to you? Do you feel as though you are living your values? Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed enough with responsibilities that it impacts the life you want and the life you envision for your family? 
Try to take time to think about your values, and about ways you might enhance your relationships with yourself or others. What are the things you wish you could do, or change? Some areas to consider:

• connecting with loved ones;
• advocating for your needs, your health;
• being fully present with your partner, children, and coworkers;
• achieving goals; and
• thinking about yourself kindly, acknowledging the beautiful person you are.

How we process feelings can go a long way. Simply acknowledging a feeling, allowing some space for it, and learning to have some self-compassion will allow you to not be so fixated or controlled by the feelings you don’t like so much; the feelings that distract you from not being fully present with all those people who depend on you. The feelings that make you feel deflated or even overwhelmed. 

Practicing mindfulness can help you become more aware of your feelings. There are a number of free, commercially available mindfulness applications you could use. However, frequent small check-ins during the day can be a good way to begin. In these moments, find a quiet space for just a minute or two where you can stop and check in with yourself. Slow down, pause. Sit if you can with your feet on the floor. Close your eyes.

How do your muscles feel?  Note your breathing. What are your hands and feet doing? Do you notice any tension, any tightness in your chest? Stay in this moment noticing all the areas of your body. Focus on your breath. Focus on directing your self-compassion inward toward yourself. Visualize directing those loving feelings to areas of your body holding your tension, stress, anxiety. Once you feel some relief, your mindfulness break is complete. The aim is to get some oxygen to connect you to the present moment. To be the person you want to be. 

The life of a caregiver can be beautiful and fulfilling, but it is not always easy. That includes those of us who support a loved one diagnosed with profound autism. Hold yourself kindly. The fact that you care so deeply about someone else means that you are capable of learning to direct that care toward yourself. You deserve it for the incredible work you do every single day. 

Self-care can allow space for you to tap into those personal values, reenergize, and hence allow you to be more responsive to your child’s needs. You can serve as a model for your child how to navigate the world. They can learn from you to meet challenges with an open curiosity, to be aware of their own feelings, to communicate clearly, and to be present for others. Remember: if ever your pain and feelings exceed what is manageable on your own, therapists can offer guidance and support as you address the challenges in your life. 

Sarah Weddle, Ph.D., BCBA-D, LABA, is a licensed psychologist in Massachusetts and the Divisional Director of Clinical Services and Training for May Institute. 

About May Institute
May Institute is a nonprofit organization that is a national leader in the field of applied behavior analysis and evidence-based interventions, serving autistic individuals and individuals with other developmental disabilities, brain injury, neurobehavioral disorders, and other special needs. Founded 70 years ago, we provide a wide range of exceptional educational and rehabilitative services across the lifespan. For more information, call 800.778.7601 or visit www.mayinstitute.org.