“I Want my Child to be Happy”: A Guide to Pursuing Happiness for Autistic Individuals

By Jenna Gilder, Ph.D., BCBA, LABA

[This column was published in the West Springfield Republican on April 17, 2025.]

When asked by his teacher what he wanted to be when he grew up, John Lennon replied, “happy”—or so the story goes. It’s a sentiment that resonates with many of us, because at the heart of everything, we all want to be happy. And we want that for our loved ones, especially our autistic children.

The pursuit of happiness is a universal goal—for autistic individuals, for those without autism, and for people with other diagnoses. But what does “happiness” really mean? The answer is different for everyone. Happiness is person-centered—it depends on what feels meaningful and important to each individual.

For parents and caregivers, a helpful way to think about happiness is through the lens of quality of life. Supporting and building a good quality of life can create a strong foundation for happiness.

What contributes to quality of life?
Many factors play a role in a person’s quality of life. Helping your child develop skills in the areas below can support their individual journey toward happiness:

Core components of quality of life:

1. Access to the community
2. Participation in meaningful activities and employment
3. Social relationships
4. A sense of independence through skill-building

Access to the community
Exploring the world around us helps us discover what we enjoy, build relationships, and feel a sense of belonging. Whether your child lives at home or in a residential setting, having regular opportunities to engage with the community is important.

Tips to encourage community access:

• Use your child’s interests to find local attractions they may enjoy.
• Choose times to go out that align with their needs.
• Start with short visits and increase the duration gradually.
• Try different types of places and experiences.

Meaningful activities and employment opportunities
Engaging in enjoyable activities—and eventually, employment that fits their interests and strengths—can bring purpose and satisfaction.

Suggestions for identifying meaningful engagement:

• Ask your child about activities they like, using pictures or choices if helpful.
• Observe what brings them joy (smiling, laughing, wanting to repeat the activity).
• Create a list of interests to guide exploration of future volunteer or job opportunities.

Social relationships
Relationships—whether friendships, family connections, or romantic partnerships—can enrich a person’s life. Everyone’s preferences for connection are different, and that’s okay.

Ways to support social growth:

• Offer opportunities to meet and interact with different people.
• Ask (when possible) what types of relationships they’re interested in—it may evolve over time.

Independence through skill-building
Help your child build the skills they need to do things they enjoy on their own. Focus on teaching skills that are directly tied to their interests and goals.

Examples of building independence in different areas:

• Community access: If they like going to the movies, you might teach skills like buying tickets, ordering snacks, or waiting in line.
• Meaningful activities or jobs: If they enjoy painting, teach tasks like cleaning brushes, shopping for supplies, or sharing their art—skills that could also apply in future job settings.
• Social relationships: If they want to make friends, focus on skills like turn-taking, shared interests, and communication.

Focusing on these areas—and personalizing them to what your child values—can help them build a fulfilling life. When we nurture their unique path, we support not just their happiness, but also their sense of purpose, connection, and joy.


Jenna Gilder, Ph.D., BCBA, LABA, is May Institute’s Director of Clinical Services and Training for Adult Services.

About May Institute
May Institute is a nonprofit organization that is a national leader in the field of applied behavior analysis and evidence-based interventions, serving autistic individuals and individuals with other developmental disabilities, brain injury, neurobehavioral disorders, and other special needs. Founded 70 years ago, we provide a wide range of exceptional educational and rehabilitative services across the lifespan. May Institute operates five schools for children and adolescents with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and other developmental disabilities. For more information, call 800.778.7601 or visit www.mayinstitute.org.