By Brenna Anderson, Ph.D., BCBA-D, LABA
[The column was published in the
West Springfield Republican on February 19th, 2026]
The relationships we have with those around us – friends, family members, and significant others – are an important component of living a fulfilled, meaningful life. For autistic individuals and individuals with developmental disabilities, forming and nurturing these kinds of relationships can be difficult. Individuals on the autism spectrum often prefer to spend time alone or engage in activities that do not necessarily align with the interests of their peers or family members. They may also struggle with social skills or lack confidence in their ability to interact with others in an enjoyable way. Despite these challenges, there are strategies you can use to support your loved one in building and sustaining relationships.
First, identify your individual’s communicative strengths. Everyone has different abilities, and it is important to tailor your relationship support accordingly. Next, consider the types of relationships they are interested in forming, and what time spent in those relationships will look like. For example, do they live in a group home where they have peers, or do they live alone and away from family members? Will interactions primarily occur in person, or through phone or video calls, emails, or text messages? These factors are important to consider when helping your loved one cultivate peer, family, and/or romantic relationships.
Autistic individuals may have trouble with conversational turn-taking or engaging in non-preferred topics, both of which are important for building relationships. If your individual is a vocal communicator, there are several approaches you can practice with them to make conversing easier and more manageable. For example, you can practice turn-taking by encouraging them to ask and answer simple questions. You might begin by saying, “Hey, I love your sweater—blue is my favorite color. Do you have a favorite color?” They could respond, “Yes, my favorite color is purple. Do you like purple?” Over time, gradually transition to two questions and two responses. Keep the interaction natural and fun. This approach can also be used to practice conversations around non-preferred topics by starting small and slowly extending the exchange as fluency increases. If your individual can use text messaging, email, or video calls, apply the same strategies to help them stay in touch with others.
For individuals who use an Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC) device, support their relationship building by ensuring they have a broad array of responses available to them on their device. The names of their friends and family members should be included, as well as any words and phrases they often use. Adding language specific to their personality and daily activities can also help widen the topics of conversation available to them.
Those with limited communication skills can maintain connections by sending birthday or holiday cards, sharing art projects, or sending photos to friends and family members. Relationships can also be fostered through shared activities, such as preparing a meal, going for walks, or coloring together. Individuals don’t necessarily need to speak to enjoy an activity, they can still connect and bond through a fun shared experience.
Autistic individuals, regardless of their communication skills, may also need support for in-person visits with friends or loved ones. This could involve practicing turn-taking in games or participating in activities preferred by others. For example, if an individual prefers watching movies but has a sibling who loves playing video games, help them practice tolerating short periods of time engaging in the sibling’s activity. Be sure to offer praise during the activity and add some fun extra snacks when you can!
Spending quality time with friends and family is an important part of living a full, enriched life. For autistic individuals and those with developmental disabilities, the social skills and confidence needed to foster these relationships can be overwhelming. With the right types of support, you can help your loved one build the skills and confidence to not only foster but maintain meaningful relationships.
Brenna Anderson, Ph.D., BCBA-D, LABA, is Clinical Director of our May Adult Living & Learning Services division in Eastern Massachusetts. She can be contacted at banderson1@mayinstitute.org
About May Institute
May Institute is a national leader in applied behavior analysis and evidence-based interdisciplinary care for autistic individuals and those with developmental disabilities, brain injury, and neurobehavioral disorders. Founded over 70 years ago as a nonprofit organization, we provide exceptional educational, clinical, and habilitative services across the lifespan—unlocking potential and empowering individuals and families to thrive. As home to the National Autism Center, May advances the field through research that elevates practice globally. For more information, call 800.778.7601 or visit www.mayinstitute.org.
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