Ask the Experts

Question

My 14-year-old sister is being bullied by a group of girls who used to be her friends. They don’t hit her, but they do send her threatening e-mails and text messages on her cell phone. She doesn’t want to tell our parents. What can I do?

Answer

By Lauren Solotar, Ph.D.

Your sister is a victim of “cyber bullying.” While her friends may not be hurting her physically, they are using electronic technology, namely the Internet and their cell phones, to make her life miserable. I recommend you tell your parents right away. They will be able to help your sister address the problem and help her understand why it was so important that you reached out for their assistance when she wouldn’t.

Fight Crime: Invest in Kids conducted a telephone survey of preteens and teens in 2006 and found that 35% of teens who had been cyber-bullied told their parents; 9% told a teacher; 72% told a friend; 31%, told a sibling; 16% told no one. These results suggest that, at least most of the time, someone knows about what’s happening to the victim, making it all the more important that parents and school personnel get involved to help resolve the problem.

According to the National Crime Prevention Council (NCPC), an increasing number of young people are being victimized by cyber bullying. In 2007, NCPC reported that 43% of teens were victims of cyber bullying. In another recent survey, half of the 3,000 youth contacted said that they or someone they knew had been victims or perpetrators of cyber bulling – using e-mail, instant messaging, text messages, and defamatory personal websites to threaten, embarrass, and ostracize their peers.

Unlike traditional bullying, cyber bullying can take place any time of the day or night. A cyber bully can be anonymous and can distribute hurtful messages and images to a very wide audience. The most common way that young people are cyber-bullied is through instant messaging. Somewhat less common ways involve the use of chat rooms, e-mails, and messages posted on websites. Girls are nearly twice as likely as boys to be both victims and bullies.

What can teens do to keep from becoming victims of cyber bullying?

• Do not give out personal information online, whether in instant message profiles, chat rooms, blogs, or personal websites.
• Never tell anyone your password, even friends.
• If someone sends a mean or threatening message, don’t respond. Save it or print it out and show it to an adult.
• Never open e-mails from someone you don’t know or from someone you know is a bully.
• Help peers who are harassed online by not joining in.

(Recommendation excerpts from NCPC, 2008)

There are also steps parents can take to help their children.

• Keep home computer(s) in easily viewable places, such as the family room or kitchen.
• Talk regularly with your child about on-line activities he or she is involved in.
• Encourage your child to tell you if he or she is aware anyone who may be the victim of cyber bullying.
• Explain that cyber bullying is harmful and unacceptable behavior.
• Tell you child that you may review his or her on-line communications if you think there is reason for concern. Explain that your concern for his or her safety outweighs their need for privacy.
• Consider installing parental control filtering software and/or tracking programs. (Over 70% of teens reported to the NCPC that being able to block cyber bullies was the most effective method of prevention.)

(Recommendations excerpts from Stop Bullying Now, 2008)

For more information about preventing cyber bullying and promoting cyber safety, check out the following resources:

• www.ncpc.org: the National Crime Prevention Council website. (NCPC’s Cyber Bullying Research Report includes information from a survey of 824 teens on aspects of cyber bullying such as reasons for bullying, reactions to bullying, and effective ways to prevent bullying.)
• www.wiredsafety.org: Wired Safety provides Internet safety information for children, teens, and adults. The website also has an important resource for parents – a downloadable translator for cyber-lingo and acronyms used by teens.
• www.stopcyberbullying.org: Provides relevant cyber bullying prevention and Internet safety information for parents, teachers, and police officers, as well as children and youth.